lieutenant-booty:

self confidence level: kelso

jerkofficial:

looking back at your first url 

image

140,689 notes

ohshititsgreg:

A part of me dies every time no one gets my joke

517,948 notes

shialablunt:

fun fact: Michael Cera asked Rihanna if he could slap her ass for real and she said “you can slap my ass for real if I can slap you in the face for real” and he was like alright. and they did the take like 3 times and Michael was like “you’re not hitting me hard enough do it for real” and then she slapped the fuck out of him and threw off his equilibrium so much he had to go lay down in his trailer for like half an hour lmao and that’s the take they used in the movie with no added sound effects 

  • me as a pedestrian: [catwalks slowly across street as 90 cars pile up behind each other trying to turn; throws modelesque glance backwards over designer shades] [car inches into crosswalk] HOW DARE YOU COME WITHIN FIVE FEET OF ME!? I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY??? SEE YOU IN COURT YOU CAPITALIST, PLANET-DESTROYING SCUM
  • me driving: say your prayers
37,208 notes

swornswans:

bralpha:

bralpha:

so yesterday i got home from my best friend’s birthday party and thirty seconds later my sister comes into my room and asks me if i can keep a secret and i said it depends and she pulled a fucking cat out from behind her back and i was like “i think we can keep this between us”

image

his name is peanut and hes this country’s most precious secret 

well now 171 people know about this you had one job

177,298 notes

adapto:

Body comparative #44 (1,2)

literallytrash:

itssexualhour:

My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms  23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed

you need less jesus

201,430 notes

lizardslut:

IM FUCKING CACKLING LMG

taylulz:

Im from australia and I can say that this is 100% accurate